brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
