Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pants are for mortals
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
