I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
