Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
