wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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