Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel great
I just peed on a car
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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