im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
