McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
