Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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