My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
