I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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