yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Someone shit on the floor
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
