he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
