Only a mothe r could love this liver
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
