Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
