So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
