I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
