I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
