It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
