just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
