I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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