you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
