Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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