halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
