I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
