Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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