i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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