I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
