Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
