I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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