Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
