He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
