Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
