walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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