I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
