guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
