We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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