i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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