see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
