We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
