Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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