There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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