I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
