Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
