I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's even glitter on my cock...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
