PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
