Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
