i think my mom watched the whole time
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
