Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
someone threw a dead crab at me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
