Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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